I’ve walked away from God,
Just to see what it’s like over here.
To see if the grass is really greener,
I walked away from God,
To see what it would be like,
to really have no regrets,
no remorse, no judgement
I walked with my demons,
tried to see through their eyes.
Then I opened my eyes and realized,
the high never last long.
You must come down.
The drink runs out.
Then what now?
but the word of God last forever.
So i’m walking with God,
And there is no turning back now.
People are dying to know.
The reality of my thoughts.
Yet these are things I refuse to show.
I fired the last chick and f the next chick.
None of tha matters cause i got dreams i wanna get.
But the loss of other peopole are just things that I don’t get.
Why does God take the angels and leave the evil for us to deal with?
this ish I don’t deserve.
I’m searching for something I know I deserve
I’m scared of the drugs.
I’m scared of the death of myself.
I’m lost in myself.
Shit, I just don’t love myself.
they say silence is the best way to grab attention.
let me stop talking then
let me stop entertaining your ignorance
let me stop responding to your petty comments
let me stop.
Stop carring so much, about someone who doesn’t care at all.
Let me stop writing about you ,
thinking about you ,
wondering what you’re doing.
let me stop.
Because your thoughts inhabit my brain like poison.
Killing every happy moment to come in my future.
I’ve fallen into depression because of you.
and you’ve fallen into bed with another girl cause of me
so when you lay down, think of me.
cause i know everytime you look at her,
you’re comparing her to me.
and when it’s too much to handle
and you pick up the phone to call.
you won’t get an answer.
cause i’m done.
in our nakedness it is all too clear that this
(skin that has never been kissed, your lips
against the hull of my hips) is the game that
i never thought i’d have the chance to start:
that wild stuff, that ‘i need you’ and stuff.
from you, enough is always more than enough
pulling and pushing with the currents of the ocean
(nights of touching and knowing, your arm’s the
riptide hugging my succulent side) finally we breathe:
that alembic stuff, that ‘i love you’ and stuff.
If I could, I would take music over people.
Songs can relate more than some people can.
Music takes over, it makes you feel.
You can’t help but pay attention,
to feel some emotion.
Songs last forever.
People come and go.
Just press play, and let all the emotions go,
the notes transport you,
the vibes moves you, closer to happiness
they shake you to a better place .
but when the minutes end, and the notes fade.
and you drift back into depression,
with your bestfriend silence. . .
the next song starts.
and you’re floating back into happiness
before you ever hit the ground.
I should win an Oscar
The way I crash right before I walk out the house,
but i recollect myself before i have time to reach for the door.
because once you step out into the world,
you need to present yourself like nothing’s wrong.
Don’t let emotions show.
I pride myself in holding back tears,
When people ask “what’s wrong?”
The ability to say “nothing” with a straight face while i laugh and look away.
That is award winning material.
Or the way I make jokes, laugh, dance, walk as if i have everything going for me.
If only I was filmed.
And the way the scene ends right when I walk in the door,
and see my reflection in the mirror.
And I crash, because I can’t put up an act to myself.
I can’t acct like nothing’s wrong.
When it’s just me all alone.
But man should i win a grammy.
The way my screams fall in line with my tears.
The way i can make the perfect melody when you’re mentioned.
I deserve an award.
Cause the way I act like
I’ve got everything going on.
Should win me every Oscar
You said the nights were far to long.
Swallow your pride
they raised you to be strong.
and even when the world turns against you.
It’s you , it’s still you.
unless you turn against yorself.
but then there’s God.
Don’t fear yourself
the lies, the pain, the guilt, the fame.
You love it all until you loose what you gained.
But even after, why would it matter?
there’s nothing left but pain.
broken pieces on the floor, spell out your name.
all you needed was hope
something to look forward to
that’s all we ever needed.
but no one cared to tell the truth.
You, that’s all I think about is you.
If i try to escape your face and your name.
But then you appear in my dreams.
dreams of you and me.
When I awake, you’re the first thing i see.
rapped up in my mind.
and then there’s him.
Something to do when there’s nothing to do
someone to think about other than you.
He’s just something there to distract me from you.
But he means nothing to me like you
Then there’s him.
Someone who says everything you won’t..
But doesn’t have the same charm.
I don’t want to ruin our friendship, so i’ll stick with you.
Then there’s him, the one who flirts
and is convinced I belong with him.
I don’t even know him.
he’s not even there.
then there’s him.
the one who broke my heart, did me wrong, and crushed me.
Yet i still feel for him.
But he’s not you. He’ll never treat me like you.
Then there’s him, always high
never comes down
I can’t trust a faded.
so it’s you
up against 5.
but they mean nothing to me like my one.
I’m never alone.
I just feel alone.
Surrounded by many who fight for the throne.
and once i’m alone,
I pick up the phone.
to hope for your voice.
man, you not even home.
So i put it to voicemail.
I pour out my heart still.
you can’t tell me this ish real.
Cause it feels like a dream.
what the f am i sayin?
what the f does it mean?
8 letters, one word, only one thing.
that defines what this ish really means to me.
I don’t deal with anything, i’m just a kid.
So these tears streaming down my face aren’t real.
All the hatred I see towards myself doesn’t exist.
And all the this happy bullshit doesn’t fit.
I don’t deal with comparing myself or critizing my body
or thinking why my bottom lip is so disproportional to my body,
Of course I would never think about suicide.
Or that broken knife tip isn’t inside me.
I’ve never felt so low, hell was higher.
I’ve never wished to be dead,
just so i could see my creator.
I’ve never felt stupid, standing amoung scholars
or going to a school where everyone was smarter.
Thinking why do they get everything they want?
maybe it’s because their skin is whiter.
Nah, I’ve never been hurt by a guy i’ve seriously liked.
Never have i ever cried myself to sleep about that at night.
I admit i’ve never felt so confused,
How the world works, it can’t be true.
Because while they’re over here having sex and getting high
I’m at home , writing songs as if it were my life.
And while they drink till they forget their own names.
I’m at home writing, filling up every page.
and while they all their boyfriends showing them off
I just have my teddy, he’s been there
even when times were tough.
screw that. Everything.
Screw white people because they’ll never have the hard life.
screw the school system for teaching lies,
Pie is going to help in life.
Screw every stupid girl who has some negative ish to say.
always finding a way to ruin my day.
Screw this house for hiding so many secrets
Screw the dark thoughts inside my head screaming